I know, I know, you think the title graphic is baddass. Roses, please.
So anyone who's anyone always loves delicious delicious rice, and if you're makin rice, you might as well make a whole lot of rice, and if you gotta deal with lunatics, you might as well have them fry that rice. So now let's take a trip with lunatic Anders, as he shows us how easy it is to make a whole lotta rice with not a whole lotta effort, with extra deleciousness.
The first thing you're gonna need is a big ol bag of rice. Hoog's dad gave him the bag of rice to him as a gift, and what a gift a 25 lb bag of rice really makes! I cannot overemphasise the cost-effeciency of bagged rice either, only saps go for the boxes.
If you keep the rice water ratio at 1:2 it's pretty much impossible to screw up unless you try really hard. So get a pot and toss it in.
You're gonna to want some meat with that rice, so get a pound of your favorite animal and fry it up. P-nizzi here chose cow for his spectacular beef fried rice.
Rice and veggies go together like Forrest and Jenny, so slice up some of those. As with most recipies, the exacts don't really matter, just as long as there's some variety, the spice of life. What you see here is some carrots, a pepper and an onion.
During Anders' last rice endevor he went sans goggles when cutting up the onion, then complained for hours that the juices had screwed up his vision. I'm not sure how much of his whining was legitimate, but now you won't catch this kid within 5 feet of a chopped onion without some serious eye protection. Me? I'm a wild type of guy, so I go commando style with the onions. Live dangerously or don't live at all.
The only thing easier than cooking rice is cooking veggies. As long as it's on a pan with a flame, and there's oil on that pan, you're gonna end up with some cooked veggies.
What you have to ask yourself is how far you will go for quality Fried Rice. Anders added some bean sprouts to the mix to make the experience extra-authentic. I'm pretty sure you can never go wrong with bean sprouts. However, like I've always said, food is food is food, so I certainly won't blame you if you end up using half a rotton tomato and a fistfull of potato skins. It'll probably taste just as good regardless, probably.
The best part about cooking with rice is the huge servings you're dealing with. This sure as hell ain't your grandparent's rice. Anders here used two cups of rice, which filled the wok up the brim.
P-niz's philisophy in the kitchen is the same as mine in life: I'm dead serious here. You are gonna want plenty of this shit with your food, so be sure to slather it all over the place.
What I didn't even realize until now was that Fried Rice has eggs in it. If you crack the eggs with one hand you'll probably get plenty of shell bits mixed in there, but you also save precious seconds.
And it all goes in the wok. Actually the only reason this picture is here is because of the sweet shot of our stove top. And I bet you all would believe me if I said it hasn't been that clean in months.
As with any other meal, Anders pours himself a healthy glass of skim milk. When they say Anders is a man's man, that's exactly that they mean.
Eat, enjoy, be merry. Just don't wake the neighbors. Whatever that means. |
